Reunion with Tummy Mommy

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Wow, where did the time go? I’ve been wanted to tell you about last Friday. About how it went with “D”, CC’s Tummy Mommy and how my being on the panel of adoptive parents at the information meeting for the prospective adoptive families at Bethany (our adoption agency) went. But with CC’s new feeding stage and everything (I’m making home-made yummies!), I’ve had some “oops, I slept on the couch again” nights, though I’ve been trying to write this.

So!
It was a wonderful day. A full, but a wonderful day, nonetheless. Yup, I booked both events on the same day, thus a full day! Both went extremely well!
CC’s big brother who is closest in age among the five siblings, couldn’t make it as planned due to his being sick. That was a disappointment. But it only made us more eager to get together soon again. Plus, it all worked out because without another child to entertain and take care of, “D” could totally enjoy holding Connor.

Everything was so natural. No awkwardness. “Hi! So good to see you!” came out of both of our mouths as we smiled and hugged. Then she looked at CC with a big smile, “Wow, you’ve gotten big!” CC was having a bottle, and as she sat down at a local McDonald’s across from the restaurant we originally planned meet. We met there because the restaurant she wanted to go to didn’t open until 11AM and I had to leave at 12:15. I wanted our time to be maximized, so I suggested to meet earlier at McDonald’s.
As I said earlier, It was extremely natural for me and “Would you like to feed him?” came easily out of my mouth as I handed her the home-made baby food. She was DELIGHTED. CC didn’t blink an eye either. After he finished, again, just naturally, I asked he if she would like to hold him.

CC used to smile at everyone almost indiscriminately until recently. Lately, he has a little bit of a stranger anxiety. He had that look for a second. Then he looked at her like “I know you! I can’t quite remember how, but I know you!” It was a cute look. I encouraged him “She’s your Tummy Mommy! Remember? You see her face in the picture book?” and as he heard me speak, he smiled. Now everything was all good! He sat on her lap as we chatted. She took selfies with him with a big, loving smile on her face as CC looked through the book that has pictures of all his family, Mama and Daddy, Tummy Mommy and Tummy Daddy and all the kids. “D” really liked that CC has that book. Catching up with her went like a flash! 30 minutes disappeared “just like that”.

Then we walked to the restaurant where we originally planned to meet. She showed me some recent pictures of her kids, told me how they are doing, saw a video of the budding singer/dancer that is her second daughter. I CANNOT WAIT TO MEET THEM!

I shared with her that Bethany wanted me to ask her too, to come on the panel, but I just didn’t know how we would feel after the first meeting…could’ve been emotional…so I didn’t ask her to join me, though I told Bethany they could ask her. Without skipping a beat, she said “Oh, I would have come! It would have been fun to ride with you all too! Well, just let me know next time.” I should have known! She is so darn honest. I mean, she is like me! I didn’t mind sharing my experience with prospective adoptive families. Neither does she! So, we will be a team from next time on. Bring it!

She kept on smiling. And she said “you know, I cried only once. I cried in the shower when I got home from the hospital. But all the while, I knew I was carrying him for you. God chose me to carry him for the family he was intended for.” – I was paying my bill, fishing for my card, trying to prevent CC from taking my pen away. I STOPPED. I looked at her. “Thank you. You are such a remarkable lady”.

We are making plans to get together again. With the whole family. A picnic. That will be so fun. As we parted our ways, she gave me a bag-full of clothes for CC that his brothers wore. (He’s totally set for the year! It took me almost two hours to sort and put away!) And some new outfits and a toy. Among those, was a lovey that was made by her aunt, which her oldest boy used, then passed on to all the boys. “Would you mind?” Absolutely not! CC is now sleeping with is. How cute.

Boy, o boy, there’s a lot to tell about Bethany Information Meeting, but I will save that to another time.

Thanks for reading. Keep on loving!

(Cover picture : A collage of CC with a bag of clothes given to him from his birth family; CC sporting his older brother’s clothes; CC holding on to the heirloom lovey; CC w Tummy Mommy looking at (or chewing on) the Family Picture Book – he’s biting his brother! LOL!)

I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10

 

 

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Security: I am My Beloved and He is Mine – Meeting Tummy Mommy

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I am celebrating the anniversary of being “Heart Sisters” with CC’s Tummy Mommy this weekend. We call his birth mother “Tummy Mommy”. We were matched around this time last year. We met in person in mid-April. Immediately, I fell in love with her. We (my husband and her husband – for the lack of brain power, I started calling him Tummy Daddy when we first got CC home, I know, it doesn’t make sense…) all got along great and the first meeting went extremely well. Since the first meeting, his Tummy Mommy “D” and I kept in touch pretty regularly. We talked on the phone, we texted each other, had lunch together, went to appointments together…I just think she is the world’s loveliest and most caring, loving and sacrificial lady and I love her. We text each other a lot, though we have not spoken on the phone. This is the first time we see each other since CC’s birth.

We have an open adoption. Many people don’t understand what “Open Adoption” is and the benefit of being open. We will talk about that some other time. But really, it DOES work in most cases. Majority of domestic adoption these days are open. It is said to be best for the child because he doesn’t have to wonder where he came from or why he is in the situation. He will always know his roots and be able to ask questions in order to clear up any confusion which results in a happier and healthier child with fewer psychological or emotional issues.

For us, on paper, Open Adoption means that we each (birth family and adoptive family) know who we are, we know each other’s contact information, and as CC’s adoptive family, we update the birth family once a month with pictures and as time goes by the frequency decreases but they will be updated at least once a year. In reality, I’m in touch with “D” very frequently via texting and emailing, and I also send her links to pictures and videos. Sometimes I talk about CC and she talks about her youngest (CC’s brother who is 10 mos older than him) like Mommies talking Mommy Talk. Sometimes I ask her about how to take care of his skin and hair. Or get other advice. And I always tell her “just let us know when you want to see him”.

It makes me feel so good when I receive response from her like “the kids love looking at the pictures you send” (they have 5 kids), “the kids nicknamed him peanut” and “I’m so thankful that God directed my eyes and heart to the both of you.”

The best response from her was when we sent her the link to CC’s dedication at our church. She said, “My husband and I were talking about CC the other day while we were cooking. And he asked me if I regret my decisions. I honestly looked at him and smiled and told him no…I knew God chose me to carry CC for you and Kip. And I’m honored to do his will. Even though we love him and miss him. We know he is with his family that was intended for him. And that’s all that matters”.

THIS IS the dear woman who gave life to my son. Who played our video to her tummy so CC will recognize our voices.

You see, it’s love. It’s all about the love.

“I just hope when he gets older he understands why we made the decision we made”.

I tell CC every day that he is very loved and prayed for. In fact, I made up a lullaby when he was a couple of weeks old, and I still sing that song to him.

“Mama loves you, Daddy loves you, Tummy Mommy loves you, Tummy Daddy loves you, Mama loves you, Daddy loves you, and Father God loves you.”

I tell him that God loved him way before he was born. Way before Mama and Daddy were born. Way before Tummy Mommy and Tummy Daddy were born. And we all love him very much but God loves him even more than that. That He has a special plan for him. That He picked his Tummy Mommy and Tummy Daddy to bring him to this world and picked Mama and Daddy to be his parents. And we ALL love him. I pray over him every night that he will be secure in his identity as our child but more than that, as a child of God, as our beloved, and His beloved.

As I mention in my post “Resources for Raising Adoptive Children Pt. 1“, CC and I worked together from day 1. Daddy had a lot of skin-to-skin time too. He knows we love him. We know he loves us. Every morning he wakes up with a HUGE smile at me as I pick him up from the crib. While I “faux” nurse him, when he hears Daddy coming into the room, he stops and gives him a big grin. Every time I go to Daycare to feed him at lunch time or to pick him up, he beams at me and just giggles his way to me across the room. He is a securely attached child. A very happy child. And WE are securely attached parents.

“Aren’t you nervous to see her?” “She can’t take him back, can she?” “I just don’t know how she could do that.” “Why do you want to bring him to see her?”

I am his Mama. I am secure and confident in that. “D” is at peace and secure in her place as his birth mother. She knows she is honored. CC is securely attached to his adoptive family. NO ONE is insecure…at this time. Now, we may experience something different in the future. But I am secure and confident that our Lord, who adopted us as His children, is orchestrating this whole story. The One who entrusted CC in our care will help when we are in need. The One who took care of finances when we brought him home, will provide a way. The One who knit him fearfully and wonderfully in “D”s womb…that’s who we all find our security in.