One year. ONE YEAR. Wow. During the time when I didn’t have a child but longing to be a Mom , “one year” was quick. “One year” was passing me by, making me sad around my birthday. I saw all the children around me grow up so fast. The time was passing me by. Then again, it was slow. Dragging. Was I going to just grow old and… try to be at peace? I had moments when I desperately clung to the Lord, trying to shake off all the doubt…the Enemy tried so hard to destroy my faith and my joy. “What if one day I realize that I dreamed up a god and there was no god at all?”
One year has passed since the Joy Boy entered our world. And boy, o, boy, it went fast! But in a marvelous and poignant way.
So, back then, it did cross my mind what if I was making it all up about God and His plan.
What a scary thought it was! I pleaded with the Lord. “Oh, Lord, I am willing to be willing to be changed so I will not be discouraged or sad or bitter…I am willing to be willing, that’s all I can do.”
Oh, how gracious is the Lord! How sweet is the mercies of the Lord! Yes, He granted my prayer. I was NEVER bitter about not being able to have biological children or bitter about other people’s pregnancies. Have I felt sadness? Of course! But never bitter or jealous. I was emotional and upset about the circumstances that I was in, i.e. the triple whammy. But God gave me the joy to pray for others to conceive. I celebrated other people’s pregnancies, hosted showers. When a couple who are our friends told us that they were pregnant after health scare of the husband, I literally jumped for joy and hit my head against the ceiling fan!
And I waited.
I waited for my husband to be ready. He wanted to go ahead with adoption too, but his cautious nature and perhaps something else called procrastination (by the way, I learned many adoptive dads go through this before adoption, ladies, so don’t be hard on your husband!) put us on a self-inflicted waiting period. And I waited.
“But, God, You showed me that I will be a mother. What is up with all this mess?” How many times have I said that to myself?
The mountain of paperwork and interviews as well as all the training helped me and my husband re-examine our motives. Some of the questions asked in the paperwork were very personal and hard answer. But it was all part of God’s way of healing me before I welcomed our precious one.
The most healing part happened during the couple’s interview. I saw tears streaming from my husband’s eyes as he spoke of the time when our IVF failed. I used to think how we are on a different page and how I felt all by myself. I just couldn’t see his sadness for my own sadness blinded me to see the pain he was feeling. It was a different shade of sadness, but sadness nonetheless. Seeing his tears healed me. Oh precious God, thank You for the grueling process to help my husband and I to become closer to each other which was exactly what was needed to parent someone so precious as our little boy.
I was reminded the other day in an online Adoption Support Group that I too once wanted a family-centric adoption rather than child-centric adoption. In other words, WE were looking for a child FOR US rather than the Child (or his birth parents) looking for the right family for HIM. But thanks to Bethany Christian Services and all the training changed us, well, almost changed us. The truth is, we were still hoping to be matched with someone who “reflected” us. Half Asian and Half Caucasian perhaps? The agency was going to have us go national in hope to reach someone in Hawaii or West Coast rather than being limited in our state. We were asked to make a video of ourselves and we were asked to remake our videos to make it short and yet express who we are. Really? It’s a good thing I am well-versed in video editing software and such!
“Hey, A (our caseworker), so what’s going on? We edited and submitted the new video for going national? It’s been a while since we submitted the new video?!”
“Yeah, about that…you’ve been matched.”
Whaaaaaaa?! And you didn’t call us?! Apparently we had been matched before but they saw some red flags and they protected us. But this time, they are more confident…
In our application, we marked “Open” to most any options for the baby except FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) , which we were at peace to say “No” to without guilt. We knew God calls special families to be forever family with those precious FAS babies.
We were open to “minority” and “biracial” children, as well as older children and minor medical issues. We love children – all kinds of children. We just wanted someone to love and pass down family legacy, sort to speak, and bring up in love and the way in the Lord. But here’s a thing. After watching a documentary on a African American Adoptee, a well-adjusted, well-connected teenager who loves her family, I had some reservations about African American child, I became fearful.
This young lady who was adopted by a Caucasian family wanted to go to all Black college. The family supported her wishes. She was accepted by an all African American college. The picture of the day her parents dropped her off at college made me think twice, maybe three times.
That day, the girl whose family loves her to pieces and who love her family, realized what she has lost. All the other girls had African American parents. She has Caucasian parents. She felt a sense of loss that day.
I am capable of loving any child. But, I was not ready to face the reality that I wouldn’t be able to fix what my baby would have lost…so that’s why we still wanted someone who “reflected” us – or “relatable”, perhaps…no, you can’t group all Asians as Asians, each Asian culture is so different, but there is something “comforting” to the child…As a matter of fact, a little girl who was born in China and became a daughter to one of my friends took to me immediately because I look like her.
I just prayed. I prayed, “Lord, You know the child who You will entrust with us. You have already picked the perfect child for us to be parents to…”
God will not put anything on your plate that you can’t handle. That’s something I hear a lot. Though the phrase doesnt exactly come from the scripture…I may have thought maybe He will give us a half-Asian child after all…why, two of our friends who are Caucasians just adopted half-Asian babies…
“A” said, “so, this African American lady has picked you, and as far as adoption goes, this will be an ideal situation…she likes that you are in a true diverse community. The only thing she worries is if you guys are okay with black, black child (those are her words)”
Wait, wait, what happened to the half-Asian or Asian child? It took us back a bit. Can we at least try to open us up to the area where there might be…before committing ourselves to parent someone with such a distinguished ethnic culture…
Then, RIGHT THEN, God brought this picture of a little African American boy jumping and dancing in our backyard. Guess what?! That is EXACTLY who CC is! Our Joy Boy! In that instant, even before I saw his Tummy Mommy, I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM.
God did know EXACTLY what He was doing. He was right in the middle of our journey and He did have someone specially created to become our Joy Boy! He brought us from a mono-culturalistic church to a church so diverse people from all over the world congregate…Our own circle of friends consists of friends from European, Eastern European, Asian, Indian, and of course African American ethnic backgrounds. Our baby doesn’t have to feel isolated. And He has provided us a birth-family that loves him so much and stay in close contact with us, that his “loss” can be eased.
“Someone who reflect us” – ha! Who’d thunk! ConCon is soooooo us. The silliness, the non-stop giggles, the joy! He is so meant to be our family! I cannot picture us without him now, I cannot picture him without us. Even his Tummy Mommy says so. She says “With all my heart, I believe God had me carry CC for you guys”.
Through this journey, God has given me a new calling. A ministry. My heart is full of compassion for the children to be adopted, adopted children, children in foster care and orphans. And my heart is full of compassion for the families. Adoptive families. Foster families. Biological families of adoptive and foster care children. And I am full of compassion for the formerly abortion-minded moms who chose life and who chose to parent their babies. So, now I am on the leadership team for our church’s Adoption / Foster / Orphan care ministry. And I advocate for adoption and foster care daily and I am actively praying for Pro-life ministries daily.
But here’s another thing. When I look at CC, I don’t really think of adoption. Even though I am constantly in touch with his birth parents. Isn’t that strange? But CC is nothing but my own. And I was born a Mom. I was meant to be his Mom.
“I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.” (1 Samuel 1:27)
My biggest prayer for my baby boy is to know Christ. Know who He is, who he is, and whose he is. And to love the Lord his God with all his heart, soul, mind and might. And all will be well.
I love you, my dear boy. My Joy Boy. My Smiles Davis. My Giggle Box. Happy Birthday.